Momma Does Things

This is what happens when my mind is in overdrive. In recent weeks, thoughts have been racing in my head, and, yes, I fear for hypomania kicking in and, yes, I already have an appointment to see my psychiatrist and therapist, but also I will still take advantage of this energy and be as productive as I possibly can both in thinking and doing. Hopefully, in doing, too. LMAOOOO. See, I am self-aware enough to know that I am the valedictorian of thinking but almost never doing. Hahaha. However, I am happy to report that, in the last year, I am actually getting better at getting things done. But lmaooo. Still a lot better at thinking (or overthinking.)

Anyway, before I lose you due to fatal boredom, I'd like to tell you that, out of nowhere, I suddenly self-SWOTed. You know, SWOT Analysis - Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threats Analysis. Yes, that one from my first year in one of my business classes. The following are what I have, so far.

Strengths

Intelligence and Creativity. I do believe that I have some measure of intelligence and demonstrate strong so with cognitive abilities, problem-solving skills, and creativity that I applied in school and until now at work.

Resilience. I was able to overcome mental health challenges and, at the same time, raise my son, who is on the spectrum and is now a young adult and thriving, with prospects for university.

Problem Solving. I enjoy solving complex problems using logic and models.

Self-Awareness. I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses and am actively working on self-improvement.

Empathy. I am capable of listening and offering sympathy to others.

Weaknesses

Mental Health Issues. I struggle with Major Depressive Disorder and Bipolar II disorder, which impact my daily life and functioning.

Executive Dysfunction. This makes it difficult to start and complete tasks, particularly household chores. I am so bad at keeping house now, which is ironic because, in the early 2000s, I had a successful homemaking blog.

Fear of Failure and Perfectionism. These two prevent me from taking risks to the point that I either procrastinate in doing things or not start at all.

Overthinking. I tend to overthink, which gives me so much stress and anxiety.

Social Isolation. I prefer to avoid social situations and have cut off some extended family.

Financial Management. While there is money, I have really bad spending habits, exacerbated by hypomania in previous episodes.

Opportunities for Growth

Reduce Doom-Scrolling. I must actively work on reducing time spent on social media and replace it with more productive activities. Somehow, working on this website has significantly decreased doom-scrolling.

Address Executive Dysfunction. I should implement strategies to manage executive dysfunction. I know there are a lot of sources from which I can get these strategies. I mean, just a quick search on YouTube gives me dozens of content creators and experts who may give valuable strategies, but I am trying to find one who I can relate to.

Challenge Fear of Failure. In the past year since being in my corporate job, I have nurtured a growth mindset and view failures as learning opportunities. I have also begun taking risks and celebrating successes. However, I think I have been too frequently celebrating small successes and spoiling myself. Note to self: learn self-control on the good stuff, aka deliveries from my favorite restaurants.

Practice Self-Compassion. I must work on being kind and understanding towards myself. You know what, I actually think I need to be kinder to myself whenever I see my reflection in the mirror.

Seek Therapy or Support Group. I need to continue therapy and counseling and stay compliant with my medications.

Explore New Interests and Activities. I think I have to go back to doing what I love BUT add something different, like meeting other people who enjoy the same activity. Kinda like this website and meeting other folks on the indie web / small web.

Threats to Growth

Mental Health Relapse. A relapse of mental health issues could hinder my progress.

Executive Dysfunction. Unmanaged executive dysfunction can lead to procrastination, missed deadlines, and increased stress. What a fucking hamster wheel.

Fear of Failure and Perfectionism. These two. Jeez. I regret not doing many things because of these two.

Social Isolation. I do get lonely sometimes.

Financial Management. This should not be a problem at all because I get an allowance from my dad and I have a salary from my job. I just really suck at delayed gratification, which leads to bad financial management. Case in point, me hating delayed gratification and avoiding cooking and doing the dishes by spending an insane amount of money getting food delivered daily, sometimes even twice daily. I know, okay? I would have saved a lot more if only I cooked.

So, here's to embracing the beautiful mess that is our lives! May we find humor in our struggles, celebrate our tiny victories (but maybe not with too much food delivery), and remember that it is okay to be a work in progress. If you'll excuse me, I have a mountain of laundry to avoid tackle.