After twelve years of not doing anything of note (excluding raising my boy, of course), I miss being creative. For years, I have hidden in my shell, not interacting with people, hiding away trying not to get anxiety attacks every single day, fearing every depressive and hypomanic episode, fearing that I am not good enough to do anything good enough. In the past few months, I have consumed media as I rot the day away in bed. However, in recent weeks, I’ve found myself thinking what if I began putting myself out there once again? Somehow, I am chalking this up to some degree of hypomania. All these years, I have functioned only enough to survive, enough to give my son a satisfactory childhood.
I want to feel like myself again.
Again.
Again?
But then again it has been a decade and a half since I have actually been “myself.” I know I will never be the same person. The vigor of youth is long gone, but I know I can build myself up again with all the things I learned throughout the years. At least, the hopeful part of myself thinks so. Cerebrally, I know that, but practically, well, I am self-aware enough to know that it will be an almost Herculean task.
So! Here I am, TRYING to get back into some blogging, and hopefully very soon some vlogging, too. I hope I will be able to keep up with it.
Perseverance is something I should learn.
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