To most people, being able to get up in the morning, do one’s morning routine, and get some chores done are nothing but tasks that one does mindlessly. These daily activities are usual parts of a routine that are nothing but mundane components of life. But to me, even the most mundane task can be overwhelming enough to paralyse me. Such is the extent of my executive dysfunction.
However, in the past week, things have been looking up. I have been more consistent in keeping house. I have been getting out of bed in the mornings, doing my skin care and personal hygiene routine and actually coming down to the office and living room instead of rotting in bed and scrolling on social media. I have, indeed, been productive.
On the Friday before last, I impulsively applied for a job. I passed all written and oral assessments and come the following Monday I received an email informing me the final interview had been arranged for late afternoon on Saturday. On the day of the interview, at around noon, I received yet another email informing me it was moved up to early afternoon. I very nearly gave up on it, not wanting to show up anymore. However, about half an hour before the schedule, a tiny part of me convinced myself that I should get on with it. I had nothing to lose, anyway.
The interview lasted half an hour as was plotted on the calendar invite. I think I did okay, but didn’t want to expect much. I have learned throughout the years that if I didn’t expect much, or anything at all, I would not be disappointed. I think that is the secret to a chill existence.
Yesterday morning, a Tuesday, I received an email informing me of a pre-onboarding Zoom meeting. So that meant I passed the interview and would now go through to the training program. I did get on the call and received motivation enough to keep on.
The last few years had been difficult for me. My productivity and self-esteem suffered so much. However, in the past week, I felt myself actually wanting to make some effort to live again. I want to be productive again.
This prospect job is one of the things that I think could bring me satisfaction and I am looking forward to it. Maybe I should believe again that good things do happen, even to not so good people who still try to be good.