People my age are expected to be wise, to be more accepting of things as they are, and to just “suck it up” and move on if things did not go our way. I am almost forty years old and it is still difficult to just suck it up and accept that my face will forever be ridden with acne.
I’ve been on Isotretinoin since September last year. I cannot deny that there certainly has been some improvement but in the last few weeks, I have noticed a couple of cystic acne here and there. I have been patient with myself and have been trying so hard to be kind to my skin, but there were nights when I could not get enough sleep.
There was even an entire week when I had awful migraine headaches I spent a couple of days in bed, my room in full darkness. I could not even get myself to stand up, let alone do my skincare routine. Today, my skin is getting me to pay up. I now have one cystic acne on my forehead. On my forehead, where my skin had been oh so very smooth for the last three months. I also got another HUGE one near my right jawline. I feel crushed.
I suppose I should feel lucky and grateful to have had the past few months of semi-decent skin. Still, there are just times when I feel bad that at my age, I’m still having the same skin issues I did twenty-five years ago when I was fifteen years old. It just makes me feel hopeless.
Enough wallowing now.
I should be thankful I have the means to spend on dermatologists and medications and skin care products. I should be thankful.
But must I really be thankful for this awful skin? At my age, it is laughable to even ask myself why I have never felt beautiful.
At almost forty, I still have a love-hate relationship with skin.
Some days I feel pathetic. However, I have to keep reminding myself that there is no such thing as perfect skin. But can’t I just have decent enough skin? Sometimes I even feel envious of people who have good skin without even trying.
Again, the mantra – just be grateful I have the means to take care of my skin.
Enough wallowing now. It’ll get better soon enough. After all, progress is not linear.
It is almost two o’clock in the wee hours. I should sleep. A good skin care routine requires adequate sleep, after all.